i can’t keep myself from thinking what could have been. what could’ve been? if i wasn’t scared, if i was honest, if i didn’t rush, or think too much, if i let my feelings be? i’m crushed under all the unlived moments. i’m consistently regretful, constantly angry and sad. not being able return to the past is making me sick.
i used to be at least truthful here –but now i’m terrified of immortalizing things. i hide everything from everyone because they are laughable. i can’t get over anything. not a single sentence, titter, glance, not a single thing. they all feel so important that i don’t know how to live. i want to remember everything –and i’m perpetually wistful because i do. the idea of adding new memories to my heart feels like a knife. how much room in me i could save for the nostalgia? even as i’m living the moment, i start longing for it
can’t believe i used to hate jenny. i honestly thought she was The Worst & that she ruined everything,, turns out she didn’t at all, and moreover she is my favorite now. she deserved so much better
when men are single and lonely it’s declared a male loneliness epidemic, deemed a mental health crisis, and women must address it by fully submitting to men who hate them and want to hurt them.
when women are single and lonely they’re labeled crazy cat ladies and bitter man-hating hags with no worth as people. men are not expected to take any responsibility for the fact that women are scared to date them.
stop calling it the male loneliness epidemic and start calling it what it is: the epidemic of men being undateable porn addicts who don’t view women as human beings and are incapable of acknowledging the very real fears that their female peers have around being in romantic/sexual relationships with them
